I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
