I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
