It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
