Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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