i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
