Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
