Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
