i may or may not be watching the land before time
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
