dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
