so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
