You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
