you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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