I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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