After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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