I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
