At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
