Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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