god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
