I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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