eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
