i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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