I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
