His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
