she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
