New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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