he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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