SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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