Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
