No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
