I looked at my own cervix.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
