New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
