wat bout pragnant strippers??
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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