just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
