dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
