I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
