i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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