It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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