Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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