if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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