the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
