never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
