You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
