3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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