If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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