I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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