they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
