I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
