i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
