and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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