I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
