When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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