I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
