If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
